I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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