mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
