I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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