Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
