After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
