Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
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I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
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Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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