walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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