He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
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[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
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My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
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