the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
