So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
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I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
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I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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