awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
