Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I use my feet as sexual weapons
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
