You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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