Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
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Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
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i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
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