your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
