I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
