i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
