i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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