Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
