Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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