I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
So squirting runs in the family.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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