I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
