Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
