Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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