Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
My vagina is very pro this idea
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
