Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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