I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
