I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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