She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
