Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
