I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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