its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
