Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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