i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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