We're facebook friends in real life
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
