I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
