Is it normal to miss your booty call?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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