In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
