I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
