I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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