Moan for me like Helen Keller
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Randomize
