I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
