my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
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