my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
