Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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