I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
