That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
MIDGETS
????
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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