You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
