She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?