I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Boobs are out for the taking
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.