My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.