I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
