Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize
