You don't have asthma, your pregnant
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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