i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
