dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
