Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
