sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
