If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize