so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
